As I sit to write, I struggle. My head is full of words and ideas, but sorting them is a chore. Could this be why I'm tired all the time? Focusing on one thought is difficult. Ideas pulse in my brain. This is one reason I stopped writing to begin with. The motivation to write was over powered by the jumble in my head.
My eyes are constantly darting around the room. Sometimes I look at the computer, sometimes at the dogs, but never in one place for very long.
All I want is a clear thought. Instead I have 20 messy ones: Girl scouts, Christmas, pick up my kid, what to cook for dinner, just to name a few. Focus, focus.....I simple can't .
This is what it's like for me every day. It's become worse that past few months. When I'm home, I just want to sit and watch TV. It's the only time my mind is somewhat focused on something. Usually two things because I can't just sit and watch TV. I also feel the need to play a game on my phone. I play and watch because it drowns out the noise in my head. But then, I feel down because I've accomplished nothing, or somedays, very little. I know what needs to be done; my husband insisted I start making a list every day. I should be happy with what I cross off, but it's never enough. At least not to me. So what? I ran a load of laundry and made some phone calls. What about the other 8 things on my list? Now I'm overwhelmed and tired. I look forward to bed, which is hours from now.
The weather doesn't help. The sky is full of gray clouds which always makes me sleepy. I just want to put on a movie and fall asleep. But I can't. My daughter gets out of school in 25 minutes.
Tomorrow I go to work. I dread it, but it's good for me. I'll have a good day, I'll be out of the house, and I'll be focused on a classroom full of children all day. I feel accomplished when I'm done. All those kids stayed alive on my watch and maybe learned something. That's a big deal.
Maybe tonight I can write some more. Or maybe I'll just watch TV. Probably the latter.
My eyes are constantly darting around the room. Sometimes I look at the computer, sometimes at the dogs, but never in one place for very long.
All I want is a clear thought. Instead I have 20 messy ones: Girl scouts, Christmas, pick up my kid, what to cook for dinner, just to name a few. Focus, focus.....I simple can't .
This is what it's like for me every day. It's become worse that past few months. When I'm home, I just want to sit and watch TV. It's the only time my mind is somewhat focused on something. Usually two things because I can't just sit and watch TV. I also feel the need to play a game on my phone. I play and watch because it drowns out the noise in my head. But then, I feel down because I've accomplished nothing, or somedays, very little. I know what needs to be done; my husband insisted I start making a list every day. I should be happy with what I cross off, but it's never enough. At least not to me. So what? I ran a load of laundry and made some phone calls. What about the other 8 things on my list? Now I'm overwhelmed and tired. I look forward to bed, which is hours from now.
The weather doesn't help. The sky is full of gray clouds which always makes me sleepy. I just want to put on a movie and fall asleep. But I can't. My daughter gets out of school in 25 minutes.
Tomorrow I go to work. I dread it, but it's good for me. I'll have a good day, I'll be out of the house, and I'll be focused on a classroom full of children all day. I feel accomplished when I'm done. All those kids stayed alive on my watch and maybe learned something. That's a big deal.
Maybe tonight I can write some more. Or maybe I'll just watch TV. Probably the latter.
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