My Personal Roller Coaster: Learning to Love Myself

  I used to sing all the time.  It started with Disney records and tapes, Kids Praise albums, and Wee Sing Silly Songs, which I played while hanging out in my room or cleaning.  As I got older it graduated to Broadway musicals (Phantom of the Opera was my favorite), 50's bubble gum pop, and The Beach Boys.  By the time I hit high school I was in choir as a first soprano and sang almost non-stop.  I came home from school and blasted loud music, still usually show tunes or Disney (because that's where my range was most comfortable), while I did my chores.  No one was home so I could be as free as I wanted, sometimes acting out musicals, without judgement from anyone but myself.  Singing was pure joy and freedom...when no one was watching.   I had a friend growing up who was a performer.  We were in the children's choir at our church together and she was the one who always got the female solos.  She was good, but it had more to do with...

Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash Sex. Depending on our our backgrounds and how we were raised, it can be a taboo topic.  But it's a completely natural part of life.  Even if we've had negative experiences, we should be able to talk about it without shame or guilt.  Heck, if we've only had positive experiences, we should be able to talk about it without shame or guilt.  The negativity surrounding sex is archaic.  Yet we still find ourselves referring to women who've had multiple partners as whores, sluts, and hoes (and I'm sure other terms that are more "today.")  Rape victims are still asked, "Were you leading them on? What did you do to cause this?"  Society has taken a wonderful, pleasurable act between people and tainted it to fit their societal norms.  It's sad really. I moved in with my dad and stepmom when I was 9.  They are religious people and as Christians, preached abstinence and sex is only for marriage.  Like many teens i...

photo by  Svitlana Rusak Sometimes we don't realize how crazy our lives are until we are talking to someone else. I remember years ago, while attending this cognitive behavior therapy class, talking about my childhood, and realizing it wasn't normal. Sure, there were normal parts: school, family, church, etc. But then there were the parts about sleeping on strangers couches because there had been a party my mom attended and brought me in tow. Sometimes I was set up in a backroom somewhere with a TV and a mattress on the floor and didn't see anyone for hours while I watched Time Bandits and read "The Monster at the End of this Book". That particular incident occurred on Easter Eve (I think I was about 4 or 5 years old) and I'll never forget how I wondered if the Easter Bunny would find me. If he'd leave eggs to hunt in the grass outside. If he'd leave a basket of treats near my mattress as a surprise in the morning. No, none of those things happe...